artful mindless contemplation

2006-06-12T23:44:00.000-04:00

Luv Ltr061206Every town has a character. New York has a character all its own. New York… New York City is like the best lover you ever had. That sexy redhead with the worst temper… that hottie who keeps breaking your heart but you can’t help letting back in. The one who can make you feel so good you forget about all the troubles in the world.Your best friend, your angel dressed up in the

2006-03-15T16:41:00.000-05:00

my list of qualities desired, required, and admired...-funny, makes me laugh-nice to look at, makes me smile-good kisser, makes my heart shiver-driven... gotta be driven by something, for something, toward something... no use just staying in one place all the time-a little crazy... -not TOO crazy-doesn't need a mommy... has a functional mommy already in his life-good at talking. has an opinion,

2006-01-29T10:31:00.000-05:00

Happy new year! Lucky doggiesI don't feel so good, pain in the neck - literally. And I really don't feel like having the flu right now... though if I were honest with myself, I'd say that I feel like I'm getting the flu right now.And my mommy's so far away. Who's gonna fix me a nice hot bowl of chicken soup, huh? No one. That's who.I hope Mom and Jane are doing good over yonder in freezing

2006-01-08T17:09:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! slightly belated...2006 is gonna be good, aight? ya got that, bub?:)My New Year's Eve this time around was just SO much better than last year's. Which is all I wanted - just an improvement. I didn't need fireworks or anything. I'm going to make a concerted effort to get back to my writing, and finish some of the projects I've had in the works these past few tumultuous years.

2005-12-11T19:46:00.000-05:00

I'll be out of the coutry for a couple of weeks.here's a treat for ya The Shining re-enacted by bunnies.

2005-12-04T15:47:00.000-05:00

BirthdayHappy birthday, happy partyBootie shakin and choosing wiselySnacks and booze and friends and laughsNever forgot, and never regrets.Smiling a whisper up to the moonSafe in the knowing what's coming up soon.

2005-11-02T02:19:00.000-05:00

I must write. I must write tonight. Not out of spite or to prove my might, but I just gotta write. And release and returnto the place I call home.Where I feel like I'm free to roam,far and wide, to fields unknown.I may mutter and I may cry, but I won't ever lie to you. Don't know how to be untrue.Never made anyone feel blue.Never slipped up or made a mess.Never left a stain on a dark blue

2005-10-26T01:06:00.000-04:00

Down with sizeDown with time.Lament the unseenAnd unheard of crime.Teetering, on the edgeOf the razor blade.Longing for a sharp breezeOr a phrase that pays.To sweep the doubt away.

2005-10-16T00:05:00.000-04:00

birth death rebirthstruggling with the curseexpecting the worstgot another beatingof course.smiling into the face of your captorand keeping the faith forever aftertrapped snapped into the in-betweentransitioning through and aroundsight unseen.there's a choice in the voice of my visitorand my visions now approaching clarity.gonna fight the good fight once again dear friend.gotta fight the good

2005-10-06T23:42:00.000-04:00

a new beginninga new feelingthe reelingof concealingwhat it isthat's slowly revealing.must hold coursesteady.hope for the bestsweet baby.cherish this short restfrom the drudgeryand the mess.treasuring each momentfinding the truthand hiding the lies.Listening to the far-away cries.Holding softlyThe tight fleshAs honey seeps throughbetween the folds.Molds to the harsh barkas the wood cuts

2005-09-27T00:16:00.000-04:00

reading TimeOut New YorkFeeling a little like a dork...a lot like a jerk...Not really like doing work.Who knows what's coming...The Apocalypse.There can't be runnin'From the massive solar eclipse.The voice of the AgelessWill boom from above.Can't save your penniesCan't hoard your love.All questionsAll answersWill meet and turn mute.The Garden of Edenthe serpentthe loot,the bright golden

2005-09-20T23:40:00.001-04:00

What would love do now?would love lift up? renew? awaken?would love leave alone? let rest? walk away?would love shake things up?or would love meditate silently, search for inner peace?would love feel all concerned about his family? his life? his worries hopes and dreams?or would love turn inward and take care of the little girl inside who's hurting?would love hunker down, burrow under, and

2005-09-15T21:53:00.000-04:00

Searching for the lost causeEndlessly awaiting the applause.Cursed like most.Amused, soft and lost.Clearly we're gonna make it.Or we're gonna flake it and fake it.Either way, its gonna be rock and roll.For you and me, earth one and all.

2005-09-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

"Fear can stop you lovingLove can stop the fear.Fear can stop you lovingLove can stop the fear.Fear can stop you lovingLove can stop the fear.But its not always that clear.But its not always that clear.No, its not always that clear."-Morcheeba, "Fear and Love" - Big Calmits not always that clear. or clear at all. clarity - pshaw! like that's even possible... ever!need clarity in my work...

2005-09-07T22:02:00.000-04:00

got DVR... now watching Six Feet Under obessively.

2005-09-04T21:16:00.000-04:00

feverish, she rushes across the fieldhoping to find something of appeal.unsure of herself, unsure how she feelsshe's reeling and sensing the impendingthrill?a frigid chill?stun gun set to kill?the lines are drawn without distortions,the rivers bubblemake me nauseous.the seagulls crying through the dinsearching for signsand looking within.stringent attitudes of success and distressmake it much

2005-08-31T23:43:00.000-04:00

straining and yearning in longing for loveyou're fleeting and feeling like... its just not enough.the lollipops grazing me, biting my skinthe butterflies trembling and dying within.and shivering, shaking you're tripping and jerkingthe gas prices rising, news of screamingthe apocalypse is coming... but nobody's listening.she's screeching and yelling and crying and prayingbut the hope may be

2005-08-28T21:56:00.000-04:00

she whimpers listening to the sound of the windwhistling...flicks the sand off her nose and glances around quicklythe wet pebbles glide between her fingers, caressing...I'm going to stop obsessing, she ponders.Reaching over to the shore, graspingreaching, searching for more.The wet slide leaves a mark on the beachas she crawlsslowlymovingacrossawayfrom the sea.breathing deeply the salty slick

2005-08-26T23:33:00.000-04:00

Feels like you've figured it outand decideded it was somethin elsethan me... what i feelthis real calling, a pull, a yearning...to taste and smell your embrace...to look at your faceto mingle in your grace.i'm lost in thislost in thiswhat signs have I missed? what allusions dismissed?Don't you ache to be kissedby me... at the edge of an abyss.

2005-08-15T19:45:00.000-04:00

you are so cute.make my lips curl up into a grinthe thought of you, amidst the din.so nice, the sweetness permeates my armour.but so reserved...Like, should I even bother?To blink, to sigh, to sing, to wink -If all it makes you do is think.If all it makes you do is hope and cringe.Your insecurities, those pale scar linesKeep you in your cage.Instead of reaching, baby,You feel rage. Or maybe fear

2005-05-23T20:57:00.000-04:00

2005-02-28T15:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sort of sad today... because I just cancelled the web hosting package for my band's website. The band is no longer alive and kicking, and a nice way to say it would be that we're on hiatus, but what's closer to the truth is - those dreams are dead.I shed a few tears over the stupid website... but mostly over the collapse of almost 2 years of work, energy, money and planning. It breaks my

2005-02-03T17:45:00.000-05:00

things I will buy or do with the money that I will one day have, in abundance: -buy another pair of Miz Mooz boots, and Fornarina sneakers -give money to PBS, so "Viewers like you" will actually mean - viewers like me! -buy a membership to Film Forum... and maybe the Metropolitan Museum -rent (hell, I'll even buy!) a really nice apartment, with seperate rooms that have doors, and some kind of

2004-08-05T17:02:00.000-04:00

m: i had a really crazy dream last night d: what happened? m: ok, for some reason i was in this hotel type building, with B, and Geroge W. was there.... doing some campaigning m: so we got to meet him, we were all in line and I shook his hand (even though I didn't really want to) - Boe was behind me, and he just kinda patted George on the shoulder and stepped out of line m: then for some reason,

2004-04-30T15:22:00.000-04:00

weather's gotten quite nice alla sudden. I dig! Big weekend coming up... lots of visitors and plans (and not so much moola) - but I've got FAITH... oooh, ooh, fai-aith. And we need a drummer! A good reliable drummer, who can jam wid us. Not some sucky-ass punk who wants to poopoo all over everything. Right. so ... good fun rockin reggae drummer, call me!

2004-03-16T11:29:00.000-05:00

Maaan, its a blizzard out there. Snowing like crazy in Gotham this windy Tuesday morning. And I have to say - on behalf of most New Yorkers - I am SICK of winter. Bring on Spring, already! Its past due. There was an investigation at Union Square this morning, which meant that my usually simple transfer from the L to the 6 was not to be... I had to get out and walk all the way up to the office

2004-02-27T14:15:00.000-05:00

NBA Update: Kings beat LA last night. HOT! Peja had like 37 points, that man is a 3-point shooting Machine. I didn't watch the whole game, fell into a stupor moaning about the glory of my sweet sweet bed at around midnight. Sleep was delicious, thank you. And this morning... waking up? much less so. News Flash -- I got a GameCube. Come on - its only 99 bucks. So how could I possibly

2004-01-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

Hey, long time long time. blah, blah. New Year, Xmas, My birthday. all of THAT. The NBA season is in full swing. And I am in full enjoyment of it all. The Knicks new pres. Isaiah Thomas got Stephon Marbury to come and play for us. That's good news. And the Nets are probably gonna be moving to Brooklyn. Good news, as well. Although not according to some people (who live in the spot where

2003-11-07T11:11:00.000-05:00

I haven't been writing much in general. Too busy with all the life drama that I'd somehow managed to avoid during most of my adult life. And damn if I'm not having a GOOD time! hehe, at least most of the time. Work is still... well, work. Then I come home to my lovah-boy, who's either moody and upset about work and then proceeds to vent to me about it, or he's moody and upset about music

2003-10-27T11:01:00.000-05:00

SO excited about NBA Season 2003-4!!! It starts tomorrow, folks, y'all better git ready. Lots of games are comin our direction. What better way to spend these chilly fall/winter evenings than watching the best athletes in the world play the best game in the world. ah... can ya tell I missed it?

2003-10-15T11:56:00.000-04:00

My horoscope today at Free Will Astrology makes me wonder. When will I finally "weed out the wishy-washy wishes and leech out the lukewarm longings that are keeping [me] distracted from [my] burning desires"? I sure hope its soon, cuz all these evenings spent writhing to get comfortable on the mattresse that's taking on the role of a couch in my apartment and watching the flickering images on

2003-09-30T11:34:00.000-04:00

God, it never ceases to amaze me how insensitive and annoying people can be. Ok, so I'm going on vacation this weekend, I'm going to visit my sister in Montreal. But do I recall asking you what you thought of Air Canada? Did I inquire weather its a good airline or a total shithole of an airline? Did I ask for comparisons with TWA? Did I ask for size of seats? Did I ask about quality of food

2003-09-30T10:48:00.000-04:00

Introducing my new cellyphone! Ain't she a beauty... now if she would only connect to the network, that'd be a blast. yar! can't have it all at once, I s'pose.

2003-09-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so the delay has been unforgivable. So I will not bore you with excuses... of which, i can assure you there are many. From mood swings, to health problems, to moving expenses, to stressfilled afternoons/evenings/nights, to boyfriend hating his job, to boyfriend quitting his job, and currently boyfriend looking for a job... dealing with legal issues, dealing with relationship issues....

2003-08-14T11:13:00.000-04:00

Got myself a fabulous new aparment, off of the fabulous Graham Ave. stop on the L train, and feeling - yes! - fabulous about it all. The place is perfect size for us, and we've already started detailing all the crazy ideas we have for it - from turning one room into a studio, to turning one room into a garden, to turning one (corner of) a room into a jungle complete with lizards, birds, and

2003-08-01T11:16:00.000-04:00

How things change, how they stay the same. and the world keeps turning. quite an introspective mood today, after a rather hectic morning with the honey. Much stress at the new job, and obviously no one can help one except oneself. So what's a great little girlfriend to do? try not to lose her cool, or her composure, aim to reassure, placate and otherwise sooth the soul. Lots of changes and

2003-07-22T21:28:00.000-04:00

Scared. not where I want to be. Not the place I like to linger. Plagued by doubts, insecurities, inequities, uncertainties... can't seem to grab on and keep hold of the bright true brilliance of my situation. And there's nothing wrong. But I feel like I have to jump in or walk away... but where am I jumping? and where am I going? remains a mystery. there are things that I need from the

2003-07-16T16:13:00.000-04:00

Gary "The Glove" Payton and Karl "The Mailman" Malone will be joining those boys in yeller (the Lakers) for next season's on-the-court hijinks. Does this sound like a good idea to anyone? no. to me? no. my sister is convinced that both respected veterans GP and KM are getting paid big bucks under the table - which is why they agreed to accept huge pay-cuts in order to play in the land of

2003-06-17T13:55:00.000-04:00

ok, people. so the NBA Finals are over. Another season is in the books. San Antonio Spurs are the 2003 World Champions... of the NBA. Its going to take me a little while to recover, crawl out blinking and yawning out onto the sunny meadow... What a long strange low-rated season its been for the NBA, and for me as well (though my personal life ratings have definitely picked up some in the

2003-06-13T16:01:00.000-04:00

is everybody ready, is everybody psyched for the Game 5 NBA Finals match-up tonight?!?! Series is tied, people [Spurs 2 - Nets 2}! how much more exciting does it get?! *(rhetorical question)

2003-06-12T13:49:00.000-04:00

Series tied, 2-2. Gotta love it live, baby. The NBA Finals which nobody's watching - wahoo! With the lowest Finals TV ratings in like 40 years - this is MY season. 20 years from now, I'm still going to be talking about this season - I'm the g-damn expert, and don't test me, biotch! yeah, pretty cool, heh. I'm gonna go home, write some stuff, play some guitar. and no fighting with any

2003-06-09T14:27:00.000-04:00

nice weekend. Rainy day on Saturday, stayed at home and did a bunch of chores with the boy. then at midnight, decided to catch a bit of party over at the Brooklyn Underground Film Festival Benefit Party. Showed up, did our thang, left, walked around the East Village for a bit, got home around 3am. Played the guitars together for an hour, and we aint even half-bad. we're half good, actually.

2003-06-01T18:38:00.000-04:00

strange night, last night, people disappoint you sometimes. and that's ok. but you don't help those ppl. unless she was just having a bad day? looking forward to the Spurs / Nets matchup. even though DStern has help up the start of the finals for SO freakin long. June 4, baby, that's what its all about.

2003-05-23T09:49:00.000-04:00

thoughts racing worries tumbling words mumbled ring so untrue these hours spent waiting for something for you. and watching this game baby, it just aint the same. I'm missing your gaze, and your touch, and the sound of your name on my lips, light touches of fingertips. and the doubts that were erasing are now standing up as I'm facing this evening alone with thoughts, and wishes, and the

2003-05-14T17:55:00.000-04:00

have I been getting charged 84 dollars a month by New York Sports Club? for the past FOUR years?!?! without my knowledge? is that possible? Goddamn it, how much money have I lost over the years...

2003-05-01T17:24:00.000-04:00

Madness. Senses reeling. Head spinning. React. React. React. Who is this boy? Who is this girl? What is this world? Confusions. Illusions. Contusions. Burns fusions. got back from my California vacation...

2003-04-23T12:04:00.000-04:00

Crazy how life can change overnight. One day you're talking to your therapist about lacking male companionship, the next day you've got a hottie making breakfast for you. listening to Bob Marley. carrying your suitcase to work. missing you while you go off on your "seperate vacations" trip to L.A. And I think these six days apart will be good for us. Meet - six days together - then six days

2003-04-11T12:42:00.000-04:00

rain, rain, and more rain - cold rain - that is how I would describe springtime 2003 in New York City. at least its fitting my mood in a way, but does make it rather difficult for me to motivate to go to the Friday Night Poetry Slam at the nuyorican poets cafe tonight. OR for my HOThot roof date... All I really feel like doin is listen to my new CDs, in heavy rotation we find Ms. Dynamite,

2003-04-01T15:18:00.000-05:00

HOTTIES in the NBA my top vote has to go to A.I. The tats, the scowl, the tight bod - he's got a team build around him like no other guy in the L. For all those things and most of all - for the HEART - Allen Iverson, the Answer, is my # 1. C-Webb. i loved the nappy hair at the beginning of the season. that just-got-out-of-bed look is givin me all sorts of idea. me and Tyra both, i guess.

2003-03-30T12:49:00.000-05:00

dream last night I am a spy. I somehow get access to the palace and my job is to assasinate the leader, but en route to my mission I find a small globe encased in twinkling water - its a weather control device - very valuable. Just as I find it, they become suspicious of us and I have to make my escape with my comrades. I grab the weather controller and make a run for it. Now I am on the run

2003-03-25T10:49:00.000-05:00

why can't I be nice? really! I'm generally a nice person, but when it comes to men - its all icy cool detachment. Which is safe... but doesn't exactly get me a ton of dates for Saturday night. Last night? true I was nice, friendly chatting, and smily - but the boy was behind the bar. Somehow it makes it easier on me. I've got to try smiling more... and if some wack-off starts talking to me

2003-03-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

the war in Iraq, the upcoming ban on indoor-smoking in New York City, everyone hookin up/breakin up -- and its damn gorgeous outside, for the first time in FORever. What's a melancholic girl seeking enlightenment to do? Really! You stop to think about the future, and it just scares the shit out of you. And I'm not usually bothered by such things... but come on now. We're going to war AND I

2003-03-05T16:49:00.000-05:00

What a great poem. Pray for Peace by Ellen Bass

2003-03-04T15:06:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Atlas Shrugged (forever, it seems like) - kinda makes ya think... the book, I mean, not the fact that its taking me forever to finish it. Objectivism (link). Maybe I'll be able to say more about it when my brain solidifies from the pile of mushy-oatmeal state which its in at the present moment -- my GOD, its not even 1pm yet! I can't believe I'm awake. And in the office.

2003-02-16T22:49:00.000-05:00

snow so soft, frame so wide, you fly in disguise, but why you trying to hide? you're there plain as sight ... chiseled and ready the statue stood tall careful yet steady, my grace did not fall as i mumbled and stumbled to him what a sight! such strength and such beauty what a gory sad might. ... i grow away from you your unbelievable trusting gaze your steady hands as they light the fire your

2003-02-15T22:10:00.000-05:00

haven't written in a while, been learnin again how to smile. Wasting time, chasing dimes, draining crime, stories lame, stories gray, stories fine. Both pretending unpretentios and serenely one-dimensional the world turns, but I only mention it to kill some birds with stones unintentional. Delivering small silly gestures to the jesters who have all the answers, but pain festers a dark red wound

2003-01-30T00:51:00.000-05:00

Long time no hear. How are you darling? Oh pretty good. just being lazy, hibernating in my alternatingly boiling hot and freezing cold humble abode. Watching basketball on the ol' tellie, and the cooking shows, and more pro bball, and a brilliant British show "Coupling" on BBCAmerica, and moisturizing, and playing online, also going out on the town, staying in and watching movies, eating Thai

2003-01-10T14:34:00.000-05:00

dashing restlessly dashing and daring dangerously close to the ideals of unbearable hunger and uncaring about all the bullshit and all the assholes who are staring. unaware of the resurgence glaring in the eyes of the prophets preparing for the Apocolypse.

2002-12-16T00:19:00.000-05:00

Chiseled, a novice awakes as She coos Chasing the stifling heat of the noose. Jonesin' for motion, commotion, respite From the hot horrid hives that bite without hype. Balking at the stalking of the buggy tribal stroking She gels, she smells, she calls out for those ancient spells That glue all in stringent need, that toke all in disbelief. Mooning the glass ceiling, without apparent feeling

2002-11-29T12:38:00.000-05:00

life is funny sometimes.... one day u're prancing around New York City without a care in the world - the next, you're in the hospital with an oozing lesion that medical history has not yet been acquainted with. After much fever, vomiting, and other exciting extracurricular exercises, I am on the mend again... hopefully will have a cool scar or two to show for it. here's to week 3 in the

2002-11-08T12:04:00.000-05:00

came up with this song on the way to work this morning - I'm sure there's more to it... its a work in progress. I think of you, before I go to sleep, yeah yeah. I think of you, before I close my eyes, yeah yeah. I think of you, before I start to dream, yeah yeah. What can I do? You're on my mind. I think of you.

2002-11-05T15:59:00.000-05:00

Lets see now... the floor is drying, the project is coming together, the basketball games are rollin on in, the furnace is pumping hot air, the boys are panting, craving, and ranting, the girlz are chillin, the work's getting done... ...looking forward to a bath, cleaning up the pad, writing and organizing, and chatting on and offline w buds.

2002-11-02T17:54:00.000-05:00

oldie, but goodie: Why is the glittering gleaming goo gliding so guiltily? Go, goo, go! Killer convulsions confuse as I coo clusters of grapes can get cold, too. Climb the golden hills of catastrophic clues and cackle coquettishly, coughing and cool. Grasp this clasp -- the collapse of communism Unleashed the beast of engorged surrealism.04/2000

2002-10-26T02:55:00.000-04:00

Misty waterfalls meander meaningfully by the candle-light, as sagging memories whisper meaningless suffering into your dirty ears. Clogging pores with the sweetness - the air sticks, and mimics the vacuum of loneliness, the pretty sad milieu of adverts and cigars. It shudders in the wind, the window shut up tight, but all the while, so small and vile, a frightened child is crazed, eyes wild

2002-10-23T12:59:00.000-04:00

ok, so I was so wrong about KVH and all... yuh, he turned out to be the game's leading scorer. Was AI asleep? just busy dishing out assists, I guess. What has come over him? Anyway Sixers won. Of course the game wasn't televised so I couldn't watch... just my luck. Who's making up this stupid TV schedule? MONKEYS, that's who! They were showing the Knicks/ Utah Jazz game last night - two of

2002-10-22T17:20:00.000-04:00

tonight we will have: a boy at our house to watch a movie with, dinner made by yours truly - albeit still no stove, still no heat! - a 7pm preseason NBA game between my Nets and my Sixers... what a matchup, Allen Iverson vs. Jason Kidd... vs. his last year's teammate D. Mutombo... and I'll be surprised if Larry Brown lets that slacker Keith Van Horn off the Philly bench for more than a few

2002-10-18T11:49:00.000-04:00

I could be here more often... If you want, I can be here every day and every night - he says. You're my psychologist, he says. I don't think I'm qualified. We don't know each other that well, I remind him. Then we proceed to recall funny anecdotes from the past. Exciting, he says. More exciting than anything in a long time. I don't know what to believe. You make me nervous, I giggle, its

2002-10-15T11:26:00.000-04:00

Peachy So sweet, when the truth - his truth flutters, Gently cooling my face with the breeze from its wings, Then lands softly on my cheek, caressing my skin. So soft, like a summer peach juice drop landing on my thigh Exposed by cut-off shorts, on a beach, somewhere relaxing feel warm inside. And in the safety of the four walls, snuggling to each other's warmth I am so grateful, and I bask in

2002-10-11T10:17:00.000-04:00

all weekend we're chilling with the crew at Brooklyn Underground Film Festival. The opening night was last night and it was all that! Party tonight at the Yabby on Bedford Ave in Williamsburg, Brooklyn after the screenings. Go on and check out some hot new filmmakers' works. Its here today - gone tomorrow... or gone by Monday rather.

2002-10-07T15:45:00.000-04:00

Oh, boy - the NBA pre-season is about to start! Tomorrow, a sweet treat: my home-town boys from Boston will be in the big apple to battle the sad team we in New York like to call the "Knicks suck." We'll see how McDyss does it... and Vin Baker in green... Well, another year - another mess of bad decisions by NBA GMs. But - there's always next season, when JKidd and TDuncan are gonna head out

2002-10-04T16:05:00.000-04:00

Feeling the earth and the sky, and the trust that its all mine. Deep inside there's the horizon and the fly life that's rising up from the ashes of yesterday's sorrows wishing for beautiful heated tomorrows. Meandering softly through the abyss Wishing for whispers, i blow a lingering kiss to the doubts and the fears cuz its true, it ain't real. how i feel is divinity itself left to shine and

2002-10-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

how I thought of it all last night and it made sense to me... Its like a flower that's growing, not yet in bloom - going through the natural process of become a stalk from a seedling, a stem from a stalk, then a blossom, and on to full flower - but the whole time the seedling is reaching and wanting to be the bright big open rose, never realizing that the growth happens naturally, that the

2002-09-25T16:45:00.000-04:00

what you want/ what you need* (*quote from a Sublime song) In the dramas played out before me, on the small flickering screen, I search for deeper meaning in the things that I've seen, And you teach me that affluence is regal and supreme But me - I aint so keen on heeding a message so goddamn obscene. I mean, I just can't concede that its so fucking great to worship greed, And pay no heed to

2002-09-18T13:11:00.000-04:00

Whatchu want? ...to see that movie "barbershop". to understand why I have the impulses that I do. to buy new platform sneakers. to learn how to deal with my life without relying on self-medicating to get me through the night. to talk to Jessica. to memorize the things I've written that are worthy of memorization. to learn to play a few songs, for real, on the guitar. to stop searching for

2002-09-17T12:16:00.000-04:00

and in the middle of the night - when you hear my breath but can't see me, because I am not there You will wonder if maybe you didn't make the perfect choice in the perfect moment of yesterday. But all moments are perfect, and yesterday doesn't exist Now - so all you can do is remember and wonder if maybe next time, you'll choose differenlty. *** cuz how many chances did you think you were gonna

2002-09-12T11:31:00.000-04:00

from nothing - it fades back to nothing. a quicksilver spark extinguished before it could do much damage, before it turned into a wildfire and took out all the forests in the Northeast. I'm glad. Its safer this way. You don't give a shit about me. And I? don't give two shits about you. How lovely. How nice. How fabulous for both of us. Everything worked out so nicely. And no one got hurt.

2002-09-08T23:54:00.000-04:00

today Love, forgiveness: gifts of the sweet labor of patience and faith. Cherished, revered, transient as peace and calm, quick like summer storms in New York, heavy like the droplets that seep through my windowpane - But never the same, as many a shade as there flourishes on Nature’s beauteous canvas - such are the many ways/shapes/colors of love. Sometimes it falls from above - an unexpected

2002-09-06T12:09:00.000-04:00

which proper way who is to say which is the way- which is the proper way for us to play out the charade- who is to judge which one of us fights the cleanest- growls the meanest, moans the clearest. all i can do is divine me from you- subdivide this my truth, and corrale the excuses I hear- into neat pre-packaged plastic wrappers, plain yet dapper- to make it easier for my heart to digest the

2002-09-06T11:13:00.000-04:00

sequence of my life... wake up. go to the office. work-twerk. subway - home. grab lil' bit of shut-eye. make pop-corn. chat with my brother on the phone. watch basketball on TV. practice my guitar. sing "rivers of babylon" and "redemption song." ponder the mysteries of my love life. talk it over with jessica - agree to Let It Be. sleep and dream.

2002-09-02T10:29:00.000-04:00

expectation are you needy when you begin to expect something? Is it a sign of needing something - of not being enough for yourself. and then disappointment. Are you disappointed because the other person did not live up to your expectations of them - or are you sad because you feel unloved/unwanted/uncared for? And how to tell those things apart...

2002-08-30T14:20:00.000-04:00

World Basketball Championship Yesterday was the first day of competition. The two teams to watch - "The United States won by 50. Yugoslavia won by 50."

2002-08-29T17:07:00.000-04:00

100 Things about 100 Bloggers me? 1. I was born in Leningrad, USSR - which is now St. Petersburg, Russia. 2. I was named after a character in my parents' favorite book "The Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov 3. My driver's license will tell you that I'm 5'5" - but that's not really true. 4. If I worked as an ice cream developer at Ben & Jerry's my flavor would be coffee ice cream

2002-08-28T20:51:00.000-04:00

Listening to mmm… Sublime (in my humble opinion - the BEST band of the 90s)

2002-08-26T23:12:00.000-04:00

lissenin' to: Toshi Kubota Seriously, check it out - the CD's hot.

2002-08-26T11:44:00.000-04:00

I wrote something on the subway, on my way to work. After a kind of rough, emotionally tumultuous weekend. Here it is: I hate you, world, for interfering with something that could've been beautiful. I hate you, world, for messing up what made my belly tingle and my eyes light up. I hate you, world, for being cruel to those of us who need tenderness the most. I hate you, world, for hitting and

2002-08-23T13:19:00.000-04:00

I gotta say I'm feeling the new Eve joint "Gangsta Lovin'" w/ Alicia Keys blowin all needy and soulful. But there's this one part in the song that Alicia sings that I have a problem with: I wanna rock ya, baby. I wanna hold you, baby Won't you be my baby I wanna be your lady. i mean - that is one lame rhyme! rhymin' "baby" with "baby" with "baby" with "lady" -- who wrote this, a 2 year old?

2002-08-21T00:09:00.000-04:00