I do not want to be a petty person. I don't want to be mean-spirited and petty. But its kinda hard to keep that in perspective when Jane's friend Erin borrowed some clothes from me a week ago and never returned them but instead left for Boston, and today Gaia is borrowing my favorite jean skirt (which is FINE! why do I even care?!?), and last night Jane invited two of her camp girlfriends over and hung out with them till the wee hours, and this morning she could barely wake up to give me a hug goodbye... No one was interested in anything I had to say, and that made me feel pretty shitty and worthless. And I really felt no desire, motivation, or possibility to participate in their camp gossip - who's sleeping with whom, who's going to what college, blah, blah, blah. All this talk of college and camp has made Margarita a very grumpy girl this morning. And who knows when the next time I'll see my sister. She wants me to come to Boston this weekend, but I don't know if I really want to go. Eight hours on a bus in one weekend - now, why in God's fucking name doesn't that sound appealing to me?!?! And she thinks I should just drop everything and come hang out with her - cuz its CONVENIENT for Ms. E. Manwelyan. I kind of have my own life, as well, and things I'd like to do... here... in the city. FUCK!
I do not want to be petty. I want to be a loving sweet person - I don't know why these things are bothering me so much.