artful mindless contemplation

 
margoshka contemplates, ruminates... meditates on life, love, basketball, poetry, choice, and the lack thereof.
 
 
 

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    Friday, August 30, 2002
     
    World Basketball Championship

    Yesterday was the first day of competition. The two teams to watch - "The United States won by 50. Yugoslavia won by 50."


    Thursday, August 29, 2002
     
    100 Things about 100 Bloggers

    me?

    1. I was born in Leningrad, USSR - which is now St. Petersburg, Russia.
    2. I was named after a character in my parents' favorite book "The Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov
    3. My driver's license will tell you that I'm 5'5" - but that's not really true.
    4. If I worked as an ice cream developer at Ben & Jerry's my flavor would be coffee ice cream with almonds, coconuts, and dark chocolate chips.
    5. I'm ticklish.
    6. I am searching for a pair of Puma sneakers called GV Special white/orange - they're white with an orange stripe and orange sole. Saw them at the Puma Store on Broadway - not my size. I am looking for 6.5 or 7, they only have men's sizes. I did find this picture of my dream pumas at a Japanese website.
    7. I have never been "in love". Ewww, its icky!
    8. My aim handle, my website and my nickname - Margoshka.
    9. I lie. I steal. I cheat. (But never to - from - or with - you.)
    10. I majored in DRAMA at NYU. Duh, that was dumb.
    11. I co-wrote, co-produced and starred in MW Theatre's original multi-medium production - "Zoo" at the NYC Int'l Fringe Festival in 2001.
    12. I write songs, poems, and rhymes.
    13. I am learning to play the blue acoustic guitar my fam'ly got me for my last birthday.
    14. I hate bananas cuz of the taste - not the shape or texture.
    15. I've seen the following movies over 100 times each (some WAY over 100 times) - "Private Resort", "Working Girl", "Speed". Ah, the 90s - it was a hot decade for me. Obviously.
    16. My first word was 'knee-gi - that's "books" in Russian. I learned English when I got to the US, in 1989. ("Wow, but you don't have an accent!") I don't? What? Where did I put that darn thing? I saw it was right here a minute ago…
    17. I have worked at/for Dunkin Donuts, Steve's Ice Cream, and Seventeen Magazine.
    18. My teachers in elementary school used to get mad at me for wearing lipstick. But I wasn't. Honest!
    19. Star Trek is one of my favorite shows. But nothing will ever compare with "The Next Generation" series.
    20. I used to dream of someday being a guest on "The Arsenio Hall Show.".
    21. I get very cranky when I don't get what I want.
    22. I think its funny when people ask me "Are you a Sagittarius?" when I wear my "Sagittarius" t-shirt.
    23. I learned to appreciate beer in Germany.
    24. I have a tattoo (1).
    25. I like to design tattoos for people. So far I've designed three including my own.
    26. "I like the way you work it. No diggity."
    27. Patience is not one of my virtues.
    28. When I was 6 y.o. I almost drowned in the Black Sea.
    29. My favorite colors are red and purple.
    30. My favorite number is 3. I was born on the 3rd. (and Allen Iverson's # is 3.)
    31. I don't remember anyone's phone number.
    32. I think the cup is either half empty or overflowing.
    33. I have never broken any bones… only hearts. Haha.
    34. I have a recurring dream about living in Jamaica, I usually seem pretty happy there.
    35. I am having a party this Friday.
    36. I love sushi - salmon is my favorite.
    37. I am such a baby about the rain. Its just icky…
    38. I put my pants on one leg atta time. But skirts… it's a different story.
    39. I have secrets.
    40. My favorite meal is brunch.
    41. Between 1993 and 1995 I've probably read over 500 romance novel. Stunt was handled by a trained professional - please don't try this at home.
    42. The last movie I saw and liked was "Waking Life".
    43. This is not as easy as I thought it would be.
    44. My zip code is 11211.
    45. I've gone on four (4) blind dates. All disastrous to some degree. Its not you, Nerve.com, its me.
    46. Today I am wearing a black skirt over black pants, and a black tank top that says "spank me" in white letters.
    47. I have a newly discovered fear of commitment.
    48. "I'll make love to you. If you want me to. And I'll hold you tight, baby, all thru the night."
    49. I bite.
    50. I love to dance.
    51. Talk to me about love, death, hope, pain, desire, music, ambition, inspiration, lust, past mistakes, emotional conundrums, spirituality, and what moves you - and I'll be rapt attention.
    52. When I was in 6th grade, this one boy Justin used to torment me with his daily teasing about my accent. My Mom's solution: transferring me to 7th grade. (That's why I ended up moving to New York at 17 y.o. to go to college)
    53. I love tomatoes - every which way.
    54. I can make kickass omelets on Sunday morning.
    55. Sublime was the best band of the 90s.
    56. I have a sister named Eugenia and a brother named Gregory.
    57. They were both named after my grandfather. Good luck figuring that one out.
    58. I sleep on t-shirt-cotton sheets with a sky and clouds design. One of the perks of working at Seventeen Mag.
    59. Reading Neale Donald Walsch's "Conversations with God" changed my life. For the better.
    60. I don't have a middle name.
    61. The first boy I ever kissed was an ex-con named Vadim. It was gross. I was rilly in lust with his cousin at the time.
    62. The last CD I bought was The Philadelphia Experiment. I haven't listened to it yet.
    63. The last concert I went to was N.E.R.D. at Central Park SummerStage. It was completely amazing. Busta Rhymes came out and did a couple of his hit songs. I had the best time. Pharrell is a genius. The Neptunes are my heros.
    64. I love to stay up all night, if its for a good reason. Mmmm-mmm, good.
    65. I never wear a watch.
    66. Mangos are yummy.
    67. I got 1470 on my SATs, but I think those tests are all biased bullshit.
    68. I love it when people tell me I'm down to earth.
    69. I can't sleep on my stomach or on my back. Its either one side - or the otha.
    70. Something that I think back to often is a conversation from my high school English class. Someone was asking "If you're open-minded and tolerant, you're still going to be INtolerant of some people… the ones who are closed-minded and bigoted. Right?" I kept trying to argue… that if you're truly tolerant and accepting, than you will be tolerant and accepting of people who aren't. But its something I think back to a lot.
    71. I love talking on IM.
    72. I've been surprising myself lately.
    73. I have a lot of ambitions, but sometimes I lack focus.
    74. I usually check off "other" on a form when questioned about my race.
    75. I believe in - One Love.
    76. I don't believe in "True Love".
    77. I love Middle Eastern food - hummus, falafel, shish-kabobs, etc.
    78. My favorite NBA teams are (in order) Sixers, Kings, Celtics, Nets. Grrr stupid champion Lakers. Pfff.
    79. I smoke Winston Lights. You gotta prallem wi' that?
    80. I don't smoke every day.
    81. I love to laugh.
    82. I never wore braces, but I used to feel self-conscious about my smile.
    83. For some reason it bothers me when men sing real high - like that Maxwell song.
    84. I got my license when I was 16, but I haven't driven a car in over 2 years. That's New York livin for ya.
    85. I have a title for my first book all ready.
    86. I am getting further proof in the pudding that desperation is not attractive.
    87. Sometimes people make me very sad, and I get this feeling like - if only I could think the right thing to say or do, they'd feel better.
    88. Sometimes I know what to say, and it helps.
    89. And sometimes all I come up with is crap.
    90. I'd rather it be too hot than too cold.
    91 … 91… Mmm… what's ninety one? Uh… think of something.
    92. I try to drink 8 glasses of water every day.
    93. I have lived and/or visited the following places in the following order - Russia (St. Petersburg), Ukraine, Belarus, Austria, Italy, US (Boston, Mass), Canada, France, US (New York, New York), The Netherlands (Amsterdam), UK (London, England), Ireland, Czech Republic (Prague), Germany, US (Chicago, IL), Russia (Moscow), US (San Francisco, CA) - yeah, all worldly like dat. (I have many many places I gotta get to!)
    94. If you're reading, you got some patience on ya, and maybe you should try doing one of these for urself.
    95. I really like to sleep late, but I don't mind getting up early to do somethin nice.
    96. I am fascinated by dreams - interpreting my own and other people's.
    97. I learned how to whistle by practicing for a year.
    98. The light of Bob Marley will never die.
    99. Nipples are fun.
    100. The best things in my life are free.


    Wednesday, August 28, 2002
     
    Listening to mmm… Sublime (in my humble opinion - the BEST band of the 90s)


    Monday, August 26, 2002
     
    lissenin' to: Toshi Kubota
    Seriously, check it out - the CD's hot.

     
    I wrote something on the subway, on my way to work. After a kind of rough, emotionally tumultuous weekend. Here it is:

    I hate you, world, for
    interfering with something that could've been beautiful.
    I hate you, world, for
    messing up what made my belly tingle and my eyes light up.
    I hate you, world, for
    being cruel to those of us who need tenderness the most.
    I hate you, world, for
    hitting and kicking us when we're down.
    I hate you for being so good at what you do,
    The social machine all oiled-up, in tip-top shape,
    Your traffic signals working on us even when we close our eyes to dream.
    And I hate that there's no one to blame
    - no Hitler, Stalin, evil monger,
    no wicked witch to drop our clear waters on.
    How can I fight when you pay the officials off,
    so they can send their kids to college?
    How can I score against you when the basket is rigged far out of my reach?
    But how can I concede defeat with your plastic android cheerleaders
    bouncing in encouragement for me?
    I'm sore and hungry but your bitches won't shut up with
    "you can do it!" and "go get em!" and I think you're the only one
    who's enjoying this game,
    watching me twist and fake left, then circle around, look for my pass,
    but - what have you done with my teammates?


    Friday, August 23, 2002
     
    I gotta say I'm feeling the new Eve joint "Gangsta Lovin'" w/ Alicia Keys blowin all needy and soulful. But there's this one part in the song that Alicia sings that I have a problem with:
    I wanna rock ya, baby.
    I wanna hold you, baby
    Won't you be my baby
    I wanna be your lady.


    i mean - that is one lame rhyme! rhymin' "baby" with "baby" with "baby" with "lady" -- who wrote this, a 2 year old? still a good song though. And it makes me feel like if stuff like that can get airplay - why not my illtight rhymes?


    Wednesday, August 21, 2002
     

     


    Monday, August 19, 2002
     
    I do not want to be a petty person. I don't want to be mean-spirited and petty. But its kinda hard to keep that in perspective when Jane's friend Erin borrowed some clothes from me a week ago and never returned them but instead left for Boston, and today Gaia is borrowing my favorite jean skirt (which is FINE! why do I even care?!?), and last night Jane invited two of her camp girlfriends over and hung out with them till the wee hours, and this morning she could barely wake up to give me a hug goodbye... No one was interested in anything I had to say, and that made me feel pretty shitty and worthless. And I really felt no desire, motivation, or possibility to participate in their camp gossip - who's sleeping with whom, who's going to what college, blah, blah, blah. All this talk of college and camp has made Margarita a very grumpy girl this morning. And who knows when the next time I'll see my sister. She wants me to come to Boston this weekend, but I don't know if I really want to go. Eight hours on a bus in one weekend - now, why in God's fucking name doesn't that sound appealing to me?!?! And she thinks I should just drop everything and come hang out with her - cuz its CONVENIENT for Ms. E. Manwelyan. I kind of have my own life, as well, and things I'd like to do... here... in the city. FUCK!
    I do not want to be petty. I want to be a loving sweet person - I don't know why these things are bothering me so much.


    Tuesday, August 13, 2002
     
    let it be what it is.
    let it all be what it is.
    not like you could help it in any case.


    "cuz if you live, your day will come." -Mose Allison


    Tuesday, August 06, 2002
     
    I think everyone needs to get excited about SlamBall on TNN. Its flippin' hot, chump.

    I had a dream about Jason Kidd last night - all we did was stroll around the park and I commiserated with him about having to back down from playing in the World Basketball Championship... I think Baron Davis will do just fine, and JKidd agreed with me. "Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do." was all he said about his reasons for quitting the USA basketball team. Hey, he needs time to recuperate, a'ight?


    Monday, August 05, 2002
     
    off to boston and back again. I just got off the bus, and hightailed my pretty ass right to the office. There was the cutest interracial couple on the bus with me - I love seeing 'em, always have, it just seems so sublimely subversive to me. And such a blatant signal of positive change - of people getting past their prejudices and falling in love, and making the prettiest babies. This couple had two kids, a boy who looked like he was about 8, and a little girl who was maybe 3 months old. They were going all the way to New Orleans - from Boston, kinda peculiar. The dad was this tall black dude, and the mom was a stocky pale redhead - they both exuded some kind of contented satisfaction... at having found each other? at having beaten all the odds? pride in their happy little multi-culti brood? whatever it was, I was glad to sit behind 'em for the four hours and bask in the glow.


    Thursday, August 01, 2002
     
    Whiling away the day, in playing the game
    Staying away from the fate of the lame
    Tying the strings and untying the blame
    Chasing a respite from the grime and the flame.
    In spite of the bite and the light touch
    Learning to notice it, but not ask for much.
    Lightening quick punch, a warning, a hunch
    To stay the fuck away, and eat a lighter lunch.

    Cringing you notice the soft fuzzy glow
    The warm flow, of the fragments down below,
    And you seek to advance your hard stance
    Spear with your lance, and whirl in a warrior dance.
    But the petals so soft, they resist the assault
    With a razor sharp edge, you get pricked, then you bolt.
    This defense of fragility, a time-honored ingenuity
    My personal culpability. won't you pour me a cup of tea?

     

     
         
    who dat?
    feelin' margoshka's current mood at www.imood.com

    sites.i.likes--
    the onion
    hor'scope
    tv w/out pity
    nba
    slam links
    the morning news
    FutureMe

    Go Fug Yrself
    the uberspew
    we"heart"ponies
    this is knit
    Gaia Cornwall




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