I've been reading Atlas Shrugged (forever, it seems like) - kinda makes ya think... the book, I mean, not the fact that its taking me forever to finish it. Objectivism (link). Maybe I'll be able to say more about it when my brain solidifies from the pile of mushy-oatmeal state which its in at the present moment -- my GOD, its not even 1pm yet! I can't believe I'm awake. And in the office.
I've been thinking a lot lately, as usual, but those thoughts are kind of disjointed and rarely seem to congeal into pretty jello molds like they were showing on the Food Network the other day.
Yeah, maybe... eventually when the rotting and festering thc is washed out of my system by all the water and coffee I've been drinking, and once I resign myself to just Being and not Trying all the stuff I'm constantly trying just to feel something. Although, its really not as depressing as all that. Like a wise woman once told me, not-smoking is a high in an of itself when its such an interesting change from the ordinary. yes, the lucidity can be rather pleasant. Its nice to hold on to thoughts, and have them progress swiftly and surely in a line (albeit a curvy one). But really, where has all this "thinking" gotten me? well... not all that far, I suppose. I certainly don't want to end up like certain members of my family who start project upon project, and then give up project upon project, and then repeat. But is my solution to simply NOT start anything? Ha! I'm surely incapable of that. I'm constatly getting excited about things - like playing guitar, or writing my novel, but then... the novelty wears off (hehe, no pun intended), and the laziness and aforementioned thc take hold and drag me off course. Not that I can really blame things like "laziness" and "boredom" and "stoned-ness"... can I? No, no, I have to blame me, myself - the person who's in control of all this chaos. But what's the use of blaming myself? - it only makes me moody and depressed and even LESS likely to continue persuing those things which I'd started. This is all very cmplicated and it annoys me when concepts conflict and compete inside my head.
Believe it or not, this book by Ayn Rand is actually helping some. I kind of identify with her, - the woman writer, born in Russia and grew up with communism as the ideal (but realizing all the while the corruption inherent in the practice of such a political system) - then moving to the U.S. of A, the so-called promised land or freedom and opportunity. And finding what? a lot of hypocricy and igonrance and people who've given up their will and their interest to their television sets, to their cable boxes, to their music collections. But its not the medium, no... mostly its the message that boggles the mind into Prehistoric catatonic stupidity, and helpless relaxation.
-I've been signing all those anti-war petitions, and I've gone to a couple of rallies. Not that big huge one, cuz I was scared to go with my leg all scraped open the way it is. Ya never know if one of those protestors decides to maybe do a little skippity-dance and accidentaly kick me in the right shin causing untold pain and annoyance. Do you think the petitions do anything at all? Will they help to stop the testasterone and oil-fueled madness? God, I hope so. I mean, really - people already hate the U.S. enough as it is.